Saturday, February 21, 2009

please hear what i'm not saying

A STORY FROM
CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE TEENAGE SOUL


don't be fooled by me
don't be fooled by the face i wear
for i wear a mask, a thousand masks
masks that i am afraid to take off
and none of them is me
pretending is an art that's second nature to me
but don't be fooled
for gods sake don't be fooled
i give you the impression that i'm secure
that confidence is my name and coolness is my game
that the waters calm and i'm in command
and that i need no one
but don't believe me
my surface may seem smooth but my surface is my mask
ever-varying and ever concealing
beneath lies no complacence
beneath lies confusion and fear and aloneness
but i hide this, i don't want anybody to know it

i panic at the thought f my weakness and fear being exposed
thats why i frantically create a mask to hide behind
a nonchalant sophisticated facade, to help me pretend
to shield me from the glance that knows
but such a glance is precisely my salvation
my only hope and i know it
that is, if its followed by acceptance
id it is followed by love
its the only thing that can liberate me from myself
from my own prison walls
from the barriers i so painstakingly erect
its the only thing that will assure me
of what i cant assure myself
that i am really worth something
i dont like to hide
i dont like to play superficial phony games
i want to stop playing them
i want to be genuine and spontaneous and me
but you've gotta help me
you've gotta hold out your hand
even when its the last thing i seem to want
only you can wipe away from my eyes
the bland stare of the breathing dead
only you can call me into aliveness

each time you're kind and gentle and encouraging
each time you try to understand because you really care
my heart begins to grow wings, very small wings
very feeble wings
but wings!
with your power to touch me into feeling
you can breathe life into me
i want you to know that

who am i, you may wonder
i am someone you know very well
for i am every man you meet
and i am every woman you meet

written by : Jill Zevallos-Solak





























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